DEEP POV Lesson 6 – Using “You” in DEEP POV – Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers

Nic pulled himself from the car and tried to wake up. The cold air helped, but not much. Funny. Nic–every member of the Special Forces for that matter–was trained to take combat naps. It was a useful ability to put yourself into deep sleep for ten or fifteen minutes at a time and come out the other side rested and fully awake.

I can hear my critique partners screaming all the way from Colorado Springs.

My main critique partner and editor circles every one of these and scrawls “second person.” At some point, I should tell her not to bother. I always leave it as I wrote it.

So, is it okay to use “you” in your DEEP POV?

I do it all the time. Occasionally I’ll change it back to “he” or “she,” but not very often. Here are a few examples from True Gallantry, book 5 in my True Heroes series:

     Kit retreated to her office, leaving Rick to chat with his wife. She’d give him privacy. And she’d give herself a reprieve from listening to their ongoing marital bliss.
     If ever two people were perfect for each other, Rick and Lily would be those two people.
     Soulmates.
     If you believed in that.

     It might be a very long time before they got more than catnaps for the next…who knew how long. Some of the guys were in the dayroom watching the Weather Channel. But, Madre de Dios, how many times could you hear the same report?

     “Mom first, then the kids, then Dad,” he told Matt.
     “Mom first, then kids, then Dad,” Cowboy repeated. The kid was good. Just who you wanted running the winch at a time like this

     Eric fought the nausea caused by the water rushing past in his peripheral vision. He calculated quickly. If he harnessed the parent and hooked them in, then maybe they could wedge a child between their bodies. Dropping a kid would ruin everyone’s day, and these folks day had already been bad enough.
     Nope. You only broke protocol when you were dead certain you could do it safely. This was not one of those times.

     Now, Kit forced herself to eat, suddenly not really hungry but you never knew when, or if, you’d get to eat again during the day.
     Exhaustion accumulated. Sooner or later, it would, if you went long enough without sleep, sneak up and bite you in the ass. That was multiplied by regular rushes of adrenaline and battling the elements.

     Every time she had dealings with Quillen, she came away slightly in awe. He held himself like a true officer, not one of those ‘Respect ma authoritay’ jerks who populated the officer ranks. No, Quillen was a leader of men, astute, sincere, a man of integrity. You felt safe in his presence, you felt respected. So even when he’d said “human error” it didn’t feel like an accusation, merely an observation that, yes, they lived in an imperfect world and they were all human. She’d heard that he could be pretty tough with stupid mistakes, though.

So, campers, what’s the verdict?

Do you use the dreaded “you” in DEEP POV? Wanna share some examples?

I hope this has been helpful.